Some days, I sit there and ask myself this question. ‘What makes a good mum?’, ‘Am I one of them?’
All I want is to be the best mum I can be. I have days where I think I am a really good mum. I make sure my daughter is healthy, eats well, is clean, disciplined and so on. But there are days, where I just can’t seem to get it right.
This week has been really up and down. As to my previous post, Lily has slowly been having more and more tantrums over such tiny things. She has also started to be a bit selfish and boisterous and I can’t help but feel it’s my fault. Everyone who looks after her says she is wonderful, kind and lovely, yet when she’s with me and at home, it changes. Is it my influence? Am I not stimulating her enough?
Bad mummy Alex
I feel that I am a bad mum as when I am around her, this is how she behaves. I also wonder if it is where she is an only child. Her friends with siblings are nowhere near as testing as she is and are also less resistant to sharing their own toys. It’s a lot of pressure. We have always said we wouldn’t consider having anymore children until Lily is at school and I entirely stick with that, but are we making her selfish by only having her? If I have a bit of extra money left over and she has been good, I will buy her a treat. This is normally a small toy, sweet or book (she loves books). Nothing huge.
I am also worried that going to university has contributed to Lily’s behaviour problems. I recently wrote about my top tips for student mums and I think younger mums should always take those work an education opportunities, but I fear that being away from home so much more compared to her first year has hurt her. I have gone from spending every day with her to a few daytime hours here and there, never as regularly as I was. Maybe, she misbehaves at home for me because she knows I won’t be there very long, so maybe doesn’t care if I tell her off. I’m hoping this will change over the summer break (fingers crossed).
My bad mum experience this week was Lily just refusing to do anything I asked her to do. I couldn’t command or gain any attention from her and she just carried on no matter what I did. How can I be a good mum if my own child won’t even listen to me? I asked her to pick up her toys, she walks off. I asked her to go to bed, she clung onto the sofa.
Good mummy Alex
Although I treat her and allow her to have some fun, I am tough on her and I always have been, just like my parents were with myself and my sister. We have always told her when she has done something wrong and there has always been a punishment, as well as keeping to a routine and house rules. I personally think this is really important as a parent. I feel it’s my role to guide her through life and having rules and routine will help prepare her for school, exams and hopefully, a career. I am also one of the fussy parents when it comes to Lily’s food. I have struggled with my weight for years, so have always focused on making sure Lily not only tries a wide range of foods, but that she has healthy, well-balanced meals. I don’t mind the odd chip here and there, but on the whole, I try to cook as many fresh meals a possible. I alway make sure she has her bath and goes to bed on time too.
This week, I feel I have been a good mum as I have encouraged Lily to learn new words this week. We have started to get ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ in to our requests for certain toys and books. She may not get them the right way around each time, but she is using them. She has also become so much more engaged with reading and stories. We sat down the other day reading books for a good hour and it was amazing. How could I be such a good mum one day, yet rubbish the next?
I am stumped! I don’t think you can ever answer the question of being a good mum, but I think my answer would be a good mum is a mum who is confident in her parenting. If you’re not confident and comfortable with what you’re doing, how can your child be?