The cloud returns

Just a short post after feeling a bit down.

After months of being (what seemed) free of post natal depression, the old friend seems to have snuck up on me again.

I read online that some people do relapse with depression and if i’m honest, I feel rubbish. I thought it was an experience in my life that was gone and over with. I woke up about a week ago though and the numb, empty feeling was just there like it had never even left me. I have no idea why. I know I have been stressed over Lily’s tantrums and Matt’s work schedule, but I never thought that post natal depression could come back.

I thought that you had your baby, some people get PND, some don’t. If you do, you have your medication and get better. Wrong. It seems to never go away. It’s like a little bug that just won’t scurry away and feels the need to just scratch at you constantly. I’ve loved being able to play and do things with Lily and feeling like this always seems to put that to a halt. I can’t stand being near anyone or anything, but then my heart breaks as she isn’t with me…I can’t win.

Well, today, I picked my self up and decided to see what I can do about it. The best thing seems to be to go back to my course of medication and just try again. I think having the determination and want to improve can help a lot. I also read that counselling can be really good for PND. I was given four counselling sessions the first time around and they were really good. It helped me see where the problems were in my life but I think I may need more than four this time!

My current state of mood swings!
My current state of mood swings!

I think what gives me strength though is that i’m not the only person this has happened to. When I researched ‘PND relapse’, hundreds of stores came up from women (and some men) with similar feelings and thoughts that I have. Some had it a lot worse than me and made mer realise that i’m actually in quite a good place.

Another place where I have found support is with PANDAS (Pre antenatal &postnatal depression advice support). It helps explain everything that goes on with you when you have post natal depression and how treatments work. If you think you, a friend, or anyone else may have post natal depression, then head to their website.I’m also quite glad I have Matt. I think if I was on my own, I wouldn’t be able to cope with everything. Sometimes just having that hug at the end of the day can remind you that you’re not alone.

So, anyway, here we go. I have my medication back and fingers crossed this cloud will blow away again soon…


This man ever fails to make me feel better.
This man ever fails to make me feel better.

8 thoughts on “The cloud returns

  1. Well done for being proactive! I have post natal anxiety. I decided against counselling because I felt that it was chemical and not based on anything I could talk through but now I’m thinking, it’s always good to talk!


  2. I really hope it blows away quickly and that your medication and the support around you get you through. Sending you our thoughts and hoping you feel well soon. Jen – Mrs Dadnetwork #bigfatlinky


  3. Great post. I suffered after baby no. 3. I’m mostly ok now but the anxiety can still creep up. I think counselling or CBT is key. Alongside medication if that’s the path you choose. Even if you don’t feel you have a reason to feel the way you do or you don’t have anything to talk through something like CBT can give you the skills you need when life gets on top of you again, which inevitably it will. It’s great you can recognise how you’re feeling and do something about it x


    1. It was so weird to feel that way again after so long. Thought it had gone. Anxiety is a huge part of PND I think. That’s why #PNDHour is amazing. All join together!


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