The weeks running up to giving birth I was terrified! I kept having panic attacks and would usually hide in the bathroom for a little cry. I was so scared everything that could possibly go wrong would go wrong. I had heard so many horror stories & with having such a low pain threshold I really didn’t think i stood a chance.
I woke up 3:54am on the 9th July seriously convinced I had done a little wee in my sleep, I mean I’m not ashamed to say I have wee’d myself when I was pregnant so this was no shock. I sorted myself out and headed back to sleep,Braxton hicks once again being a nightmare. When I woke in the morning I decided I wanted to go out, so spent the whole day shopping with my partner before coming home to have some quality relaxation time with him & a friend. “just ring the hospital” Jess kept repeating “just see what they have to say” so I did and they wanted to see me.
Bags already packed I was a picture of calm, as far as I was concerned they would just send me home. Sam was sitting in the living room starting to panic, I think it may have only just hit him that we were going to have a baby.
“I had heard so many horror stories & with having such a low pain threshold I really didn’t think i stood a chance”
After the midwife pottered for about an hour unsure of what to do as my waters hadn’t fully gone she finally told me I would get induced at 5:45am. “that’s okay” I told myself “I have time to prepare, to let it sink in” this however was not the case, after going to the car for my bags I was told I would be induced there & then. “this is it” I was petrified, I started to cry because I was so scared, dean holding my hand all the time made me even more scared. I didn’t want to fail. I wanted our baby to be okay.
“This isn’t right, he’s not meant to be here till the 29th” I kept trying to convince myself they had got it wrong & I had just wet myself. At 11pm I was induced, casually chilling watching family guy. My midwife, Ruth, was amazing! She came in and asked if I was feeling my contractions, sadly I wasn’t. My heart sank I didn’t want to have a c-section I had always planned a natural labour if I could. By 1am I was finally feeling those contractions & they were god awful. I refused drugs even pushing away the gas & air.
“My world had become meaningful”
My sister & Sam were amazing, I was pushing away and shouting at One Direction on the tv repeatedly apologising for being to loud & a big baby, hahaha oh its so funny thinking back. After 2hours & 22minutes my little boy finally arrived. His little perfect face so close to mine. I could never have asked for anything more perfect. 10th July.
My world had become meaningful. A beautiful baby boy, healthy with all his fingers & toes. 6lbs exactly. My little bundle of perfection.
When anyone asks me about it, I always tell them I’m so lucky, which I am. I was terrified for so long, convinced myself I wouldn’t be able to do it but I did & I am so proud.
So the point of my story is, don’t even feel like your not strong enough or brave enough because even when you think your being defeated you can still do amazing things.
*Names changed for confidentiality reasons.